Obligations suck sometimes.

Or maybe all the time. I'm not sure.

So, I've put Talmirah on hold. I didn't expect it to be quite as difficult as it was. I mean, life's been a prolonged mental breakdown for the past week or two, but it really hit as I put up that post. I was able to keep it together long enough to finish informing the DMs of the various games I'd been participating in that I'd either be sparse at best, or dropping all together. But man, once that was done and I made it back into my room, that was it for that day.

I'm still not sure what to do about this situation. My classes this semester are as follows:

Astronomy--so far, barely more than fifth grade science. I could sleep through it and still ace it--which is what I'm doing right now. I'll glance over the notes for the next exam, spend maybe an hour preparing for it, and I guarantee you I'll ace it.

Statistics--a 200 level class. I spent less than an hour preparing for the last exam and made a solid B. I also get the impression that the professor really likes me. I intend to spend a little longer working on the next exam to get it up to an A, but I'm pretty sure my grade in there will be where I want it without excessive effort. Gotta keep up with it, but I'll be fine there.

Scientific Computing--it's 300 level, but it's taught by a very lenient, easy-going professor. He's more into projects than exams, and on my first paper I got a 99--the one point I lost was because I put a - where there was supposed to be a +, which was honestly a pretty huge mistake. The projects are time-consuming, but typically fairly interesting, so I'll do well in there.

And the last: Internet Programming. This is where almost all the roots of my troubles are right now. I'mma spend more than a paragraph on this one, because the situation's actually quite complicated.

Firstly, the lecture portion. It's actually quite interesting. We deal with a lot of stuff related to how the Internet actually works at an optimal level--it's really amazing how much thought went into getting the protocols together in such a way that things actually end up working properly. I enjoy this part.

Unfortunately, it's by far the least important part of the class. The quizzes and exams aren't over what we talk about in class at all. At most half of the things that came up on the midterm were talked about in any kind of depth in class. One of the questions--worth 15 points on a 100 point exam--was mentioned over two paragraphs in our 60+ page chapter. In class, when it came up, it was waved off as the problem of engineers and physicists rather than computer scientists. And here it is, worth a letter grade and a half, and I didn't study it all because he indicated other things--which didn't appear at all--would be more important. I call bullshit.

I like the way another friend of mine put it. The infamous exams of one of our other professors are well known for being absurdly difficult. But I would never call bullshit on one of those exams like I do on this one for one simple reason: there is NEVER anything on there that I don't expect. Meanwhile, with this new guy, the only study guidance we get might as well be something like memorize then entire 60 page chapter. Several other students feel this way, but there were two students who actually made A's on the exam, so he seems to think that the problem is with the other 80% of the class.

Just drop the class? Ah, if only it were that simple. Unfortunately, my scholarship requires that I have so many hours a semester, and as I understand things, if I fail to meet the requirements at the end of the year, they can request that money back. If that were to happen, either I would have to go so deep into dept to pay it off that I would be working for at least five years to get it all back--ruining my chances of graduate school--or my family would have to shoulder the burden, and there wouldn't be enough money left to send my little brother to college. I might be able to take a fifth class to make up for it next semester, but my schedule there already looks hellish and adding another might be too much.

Not all is lost, though. 40% of my Internet Programming grade is determined by projects--and I'm confident I've aced the first one. 40% isn't enough, and due to the overall poor performance on the first exam, the professor's said he might consider lowering the weight on it. Basically, it all comes down to the next exam. Not long after the second midterm is the deadline to drop without it affecting my GPA, and if I'm not going to be able to come out of there with at least a C, I'll lose my scholarship either way.

The whole situation pisses me off. My grades are mostly A's and B's, and most of those didn't require full effort from me. Yet here I am, busting my ass for a single class because a professor doesn't know how to make a reasonable exam. It makes my blood boil.

The end result is that I can't enjoy the things I've grown used to. I never realized how much time Talmirah took from me. I enjoyed all of it though, and I really miss it already. Still, I know I can't pick it back up for now. I'm still going to get back to it eventually, but right now it looks like--at the soonest--it'll be November before I have the time to get things started again. Senior Projects wrap up in two weeks or so, and I need to be working on graduate school applications this month.

*Sigh* And so, back to the grind for now.